I know you don't need to hit a milestone to have an emotional day. I know you don't have to have a specific reason to need a day to feel deeply (some call that wallowing...maybe it is). I know you can be perfectly happy and upbeat one minute but the next feel like a semi-truck has rammed hard into your heart. I know that logic means nothing at times and offers no comfort in times of heartache. I know that one more month or one more year can both be comforting, encouraging, and strength-building as well as depressing, crushing, and overwhelming. I know that crying helps rid oneself of the crushing weight of sorrow but also leaves you drained and tired. I know that kids can turn things around for you (especially little boys that aren't usually a source of comfort and empathy). I know that healing takes a lot of time and you need supporters that have a lot of patience. I know that resilience is a trait you must thank God for because not everyone has it. I know that the amount of resilience a person has is dependent on biology and early parent/child connections. (Thank you Mom and Dad!) I know that getting rid of clutter, reorganizing and creating new systems, welcoming a bit of change, some fresh, new things...that can all help give you a fresh start, some hope, a desire to begin again, and vigor. I like the way that sounds: vigor. Vigor is "physical or mental strength, energy, or force; the capacity for natural growth and survival; strong feeling; enthusiasm or intensity". I relate to all of the definitions :) Do you have vigor?
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AuthorThis is my attempt to let you into my new life. It's sorta like my old life only I'm a little more introspective, a lot more realistic, a bit more cautious and, yet, more willing to risk it! This widowhood throws you for a loop and it takes awhile to figure out how you want to handle it. You can read about how it's going for me if you want... Archives
January 2017
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