I should be writing my paper for school that is due tomorrow but this quote grabbed my attention and pulled me in. Are you ready? Maybe I'll elaborate further later but here is the part I loved: ...."it is though the deceased releases her grip on the mind of the mourner, in order to reside quietly in his heart".....I'm actually reading a scientific journal article for my motivation psych class and it is really bizarre to read this study on grief and realize it really IS summarizing how I feel, the process I have endured, the direction I am going....I could have sworn that Jove had released his grip on my mind and was residing quietly in my heart but, alas, I had a little setback of sorts today. Nothing too terrible and nothing too dramatic. I saw the last few items of laundry from Jove that I never have wanted to wash in the laundry closet tonight (yes, I KNOW it's been 14 months!). I thought that maybe today would be the day to finally wash it and put it away. As I picked up his sleeveless underarmour (oh how I hated that sleeveless thing!), I sniffed it and was SHOCKED to discover I could still smell my dead husband. Did that word startle you? The book I'm reading for my class also reiterates that I need to use that ugly word: dead. Yuck. Anyway, I smelled him. I quickly put the shirt back in the pile because I didn't want to use up all of his scent just yet. I'm not ready to wash him away yet. I'm not ready to stop smelling what little scent I can find of him. Still grieving. He still has a bit of a grip on my mind and is not quite quietly resting in my heart but in time it will be that way, I'm sure. I think of how far I've come and feel plenty okay with where I am at now and look forward to the day the 'ol mind is free and the heart is light :)
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AnnaLeigh
3/11/2011 01:24:39 am
Okay, Carly, this is AnnaLeigh. I am a writer and you now have me reading your blog not only because i love a good read, but because you are a friend who i am taking interest in...
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AuthorThis is my attempt to let you into my new life. It's sorta like my old life only I'm a little more introspective, a lot more realistic, a bit more cautious and, yet, more willing to risk it! This widowhood throws you for a loop and it takes awhile to figure out how you want to handle it. You can read about how it's going for me if you want... Archives
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